Fear of Hell

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Occasionally, there is an issue that seems to come up regularly with clients. Recently the topic has been a lingering fear of hell. I invited one client to comment on the way he was dealt with this, and he was kind enough to share with you these thoughts. I invite you to also email me with the methods you have developed to deal with this fear. Marlene

"As I become increasingly reconciled to life as it actually is (as I encounter
it from moment to moment), and as my formerly strong suspicion that life may
be nothing but a nasty trap set by a sadistic god fades, the moments when I'm
seized by the thought, "What if it's (i.e., Protestant fundamentalist dogma
is) all true and what awaits me after death is everlasting torment, Hell,"
become fewer and further between.

But when that thought does arise, here's how I deal with it:

* I think back to the time when I was first seriously contemplating leaving
the fundamentalist fold. I was a graduate student at a state university,
studying literature and reading much more widely than I ever had in missionary
kids' boarding school or Bible college. It began to occur to me that,
according to what I'd been taught while growing up, many if not most of the
authors whose books and essays I was finding most compelling were either
already burning in Hell or were destined to burn there after the Judgment. It
occurred to me further that if I were to die and go to (the fundamentalist
notion of) Heaven, my companions there would include many people whom I either
have known personally or seen on TV who are blowhards and hypocrites. I
particularly remember wondering if I'd want to spend the rest of eternity in
the company of the likes of Jerry Falwell and Jimmy Swaggart, as opposed to,
say, Mark Twain and Albert Camus. Over time, as I began to feel increasing
solidarity with the men and women who were becoming my literary and
intellectual heroes, the answer to that question crystalized within me: a
resounding "Heck, no!!"

* Sometimes I also remind myself of the solidarity I feel with the millions
(billions?) of people who've "died in darkness, never having heard." Growing
up, I was often troubled by the fact that I'd been born to parents and into a
subculture (a "family" of missionaries) that had a corner on the Truth, while
many other children hadn't been so fortunate and thus were likely, ultimately,
to die unsaved and spend eternity in Hell. As far as I could see, that wasn't
fair, no matter what the theological rationalization I was offered. In
graduate school, as my feeling of solidarity with my new literary heroes grew,
so did my solidarity with all the "regular people" destined to burn or already
burning in Hell because they weren't born into exactly the right
circumstances.

* For me, the thought that most powerfully counters any recurring fear that I
may be on my way to Hell is: "If I were the one in charge of the universe,
would I set things up so that billions of people would sooner or later be
consigned to eternal torture and torment?" For me now, the answer to that is
obvious: NO. Never. Not under any circumstance. So the next question
becomes, "Would I want to spend eternity communing with a god who would set
things up that way?" And the next, "Wouldn't that be much worse, even, than
spending eternity communing with an unrepentant Hitler?"

* As time goes on, I realize with increasing conviction that hell is right now
and heaven is right now. We create our own hell or heaven for ourselves and
one another right now, each moment we live. That's what I believe Jesus meant
when he said, "The kingdom of heaven is within you." Hell is within us, too.
It's up to each of us individually to decide which we're going to inhabit --
right here, right now.

* To be more specific: As I study myself and the things that interest me
intensely, it becomes increasingly clear that freedom, equanimity, joy,
integrity, and authenticity -- all qualities to which I aspire -- are NOT
primarily dependent on external circumstances, nor are they "gifts" provided
by some external agent. I personally make choices that either nurture these
qualities or cause them to wither through neglect. And I carry them around
with me, so they're present anywhere I may happen to be. "If you cherish and
nurture these qualities," I remind myself, "you'd be more free and joyful in
prison -- or in Hell, even -- than anyone anywhere (even in Heaven) who neglects
to cultivate these qualities."

* I'm also becoming increasingly convinced that what awaits me after death is
identical to what I was before I was conceived. I have no memories of that
time. Apparently, that time produced neither fear nor joy in me, because if
it did, surely I would remember something about it. But I don't. It's just a
neutral blank. I expect that's what it will be like after I die, and I'm not
the least bit afraid of it. David (name changed)